Author Archives: Garrett

Actual Reasons Why People Read This Blog

It was probably not Zac Efron’s statuesque naked body that got us 4000 new viewers, it was probably not the British attempt to turn our gulf into a large fish n’ chips fryer, and it was definitely not Alex’s writing skill.  I know it wasn’t the key words or the content so I’ve boiled it down to 5 possible solutions.

1.  Illiteracy

2. Misclicks from “those peep holes blog”

3. We’re all in a shared dream and our projections clicked on the page

4. Reading Alex’s post was better than actually seeing the movie Charlie St. Cloud

5.  Let’s go with illiteracy again

My thoughts, with Garrett Kelly

Justin Bieber, child sensation and musical prodigy, could be called a baby by some.  The legal definition of a baby being that he is under the age of 18.  Well, this baby has new hit song titled “One less lonely girl”  where he talks about how once he makes this girl his girlfriend, he will save the world one lonely girl at a time.

My thoughts:

Justin Bieber is extremely rich and famous, and he has a blazing hot body to top it off.  BLAZING!  So the girl that he deems suitable is probably pretty attractive.  Justin Bieber is seen with Selena Gomez, the beautiful girl who Justin is saving from loneliness.   The problem is that in the real world this girl would have no trouble finding a guy like ….me.  So if Justin Bieber truly wants to save a girl from loneliness he should take himself off the market.  Therefore shifting all the girls down one level, and making it so that one extra guy or girl who was just not attractive enough for the last girl or guy can find love.

So Justin Bieber, please save the world from one less lonely girl by dating a girl that I can get.  That way I can get a girl I can’t get.

New joke

I was trying to remember this great joke I thought up in the shower this morning but I didn’t write it down.  It’s a shame because it was hilarious.  I was laughing so hard it took me an extra 10 minutes to masturbate.  The water got cold…