Why hello there, little lady! Correct me if I’m wrong, but you seem like the type who’d love to buy some 100% authentic macaroni art.
I have original pieces from all the top artists: Bobby. Katie. Sameer. I even have some pieces by Trisha, although she works more with Popsicle sticks these days. These are rare works, straight from the walls of the most prestigious preschool art classrooms in the county, and they’re available for YOU to buy, right now on this here sidewalk!
You say you’re not much of an art collector? Well, what better way to start that with a beautifully crafted cityscape signed in crayon by Timothy, Age 4? Think about it. Whether you aspire to have an intimate collection for private viewing or want to make some money in the auction biz, this is a perfect opportunity to acquire your first piece. The value of these breathtaking works can only skyrocket!
Okay, I can tell you’re a shrewd consumer. You want to make sure that buying one of these lovely macaroni artworks is a good investment. I understand that, miss. Believe you me, I’m always skeptical when I’m buying art, even from the most reliable-looking of vendors. But I can assure you that every one of these beauties has been certified by my cousin Hoover as being the genuine article. Hoover took a correspondence course in art authentication and has been to some of the most famous art museums in the upper Midwest. Every purchase you makes comes with Hoover’s stamp of approval. When Hoover stamps it, you know you’ve spent your money wisely.
Maybe you should take a close look at some of my top works available for purchase. This one right here is one of the first pieces of macaroni art I ever collected. Look at the way the light plays off the bowties in the foreground. And it’s so rich with color; I’ve never seen an artist blend orange and green macaroni quite the way little Suzy does right here. And look how she uses wagon wheel pasta to represent the wheels on the school bus. Using wagon wheels for bus wheels? It seems so obvious, but only a genius like Suzy could think of it! I tell ya, ma’am, this is a one-of-a-kind work of art right here, no question.
Still life not your style, huh? Maybe I could interest you in a portrait? This one right here is none other than the first President of these here United States, George S. Washington. Tucker does a fantastic job capturing Washington’s stoic heroism without losing the human side of his subject. There’s a twinkle of self-doubt in his ditalini eyes, as though he realizes that even the first leader of the most powerful nation on earth will eventually be forgotten by time. Also, notice the way Tucker represents Washington’s wooden teeth with some brown little bits of fusilli. Profound, yet adorable!
Look, missy, if you’re not interested now, I don’t know what to tell ya. This right here is some of the very best art available. And, if you are so inclined, some of the tastiest art, too. Now buy something or skedaddle.
Fine! Skedaddle! I don’t care! I’ve got plenty of other buyers who APPRECIATE BRILLIANCE WHEN IT’S SMACKIN’ THEM IN THE DAMN FACE!
Why hello there, good sir! Could I interest you in some 100% authentic macaroni art?