There I was, in a mediocre Charter Bus driven by John Travolta. The sign said his name was John Travolta, but he actually looked like a math teacher from my middle school. However, this Travolta and the famous one shared a passion for operating passenger carriers. Buses, Planes, it doesn’t matter to those Travolta’s.
Travolta pulls over and picks up the entire Kansas University football team. A very chubby Kerry Meier with a feathered mullett slides next to me and begins to act a little TOO friendly. He takes my arm and places it around his shoulders.
We spot a funnel cloud forming in the distance, which grows bigger and bigger and eventually touches down as Travolta drives us directly towards it.
Then I woke up and had to pee. There’s a lot of homosexual undertones in that dream. Huh.
Those People Alum Shawn Bowers has been electronically published in the esteemed Internet literary journal McSweeneys. It’s safe to say that without his invaluable comedy experience as a member of Those People, he never would have achieved this or the massive wealth that he has received as a result. Yes, that’s yet another famous Those Person! We’re becoming a star factory on par with SNL, American Idol and Jersey Shore.
Read Shawn’s very funny piece here.
Those People Alum, Jon Matteson, stayed up late one lonely night 3 weeks ago and wrote this Credits sketch with me. There was much laughing.
Scratch that. We weren’t laughing. It was guffawing, in specific.
–Tosin Morohunfola & Jon Matteson
p.s. You’ll need to be logged on to Facebook to view this video.
p.p.s. Sorry Doug, there’s no actual movie. This film has not been made.
Justin Bieber, child sensation and musical prodigy, could be called a baby by some. The legal definition of a baby being that he is under the age of 18. Well, this baby has new hit song titled “One less lonely girl” where he talks about how once he makes this girl his girlfriend, he will save the world one lonely girl at a time.
Justin Bieber is extremely rich and famous, and he has a blazing hot body to top it off. BLAZING! So the girl that he deems suitable is probably pretty attractive. Justin Bieber is seen with Selena Gomez, the beautiful girl who Justin is saving from loneliness. The problem is that in the real world this girl would have no trouble finding a guy like ….me. So if Justin Bieber truly wants to save a girl from loneliness he should take himself off the market. Therefore shifting all the girls down one level, and making it so that one extra guy or girl who was just not attractive enough for the last girl or guy can find love.
So Justin Bieber, please save the world from one less lonely girl by dating a girl that I can get. That way I can get a girl I can’t get.
What if dogs only wag their tails when they’re extremely sad…
How would we feel about petting them and scratching their bellies then!
What if the tail wag is a sign of them being horny…
I’m glad I don’t have a tail, otherwise most girls I see at the gym would feel uncomfortable.
And most dogs as well.
Just a quick story:
So, earlier today I meandered into one of my classes taking a seat behind these two girls. I didn’t know anyone in the class so, naturally, I filled my time by eavesdropping on their conversation…it goes as follows:
Red Head: I went to that concert over the break!
Brunette: Oh yeah! How was that?
Red Head: Not very fun actually, everyone was married. And the drummer was, like, you know…[eyes open widely]…and I could feel it in my stomach after that.
Brunette: [in affirmation] Right.
WHAT!?!?!? What could she have possibly been implying?
Legendary comedy coach Coach Maynard has trained Those People on how to make the funny for over 30 years. You’ll get to know him better over the next several weeks. In the meantime, however, we’d like to introduce his weekly feature. In addition to being a comedy expert, Coach Maynard is also an enthusiastic linguist and student of the wordly arts. Each week, we’ll debut a new word invented by the Coach himself. This week’s word:
Baljunking: (v) to baljunk; walk around slouched, shoulders rolled with one or more hands in pant pocket(s). Often directed derogatorily toward gangsters, thieves, low lives, etc.
Alan, I wish you would stop baljunking around the classroom so often, it’s disrespectful!